Tan their hide

One of my favorite scenes from #The Simpson is during a book fair. Lisa, inspired by literary hero #Amy Tan, stands to give her assessment of the novel, #Joy Luck Club.  Though Lisa's interpretation (speaking now as someone with a degree in English) is pretty accurate, Tan, a panelist at the book fair, places her hands over her eyes, shakes her head adamantly, saying, "No, that's not it at all...sit down, I'm embarrassed for both of us..."
I've felt the same way reading some recent stories from the #Olympics. Of course, I could be talking about yellow death water or athletes getting trapped in bathrooms and/or elevators, but as a sports writer, I'm talking about the actual sports writing itself.
In the news industry, particularly the print industry, newspapers have closed down left and right across this country. More and more younger news consumers, the lament is, prefer the news online. Fair enough. We can't all use stone tools forever.
But whether the story is in print, online or sent via mental telepathy (#Aquaman would be proud), the story still has to be well crafted and properly presented. If not, not only will newspapers close up shop over time, the news as a concept will do likewise.
Case in point number one: I read a recent story from a well-respected sports writer from a large, metropolitan daily. The story, following a women's curling match between Russia and the USA, was about how much attention has been paid to the Russian team for their attractiveness. And undoubtedly, the Russian team is pretty hot (Google it and see for yourself...) But within the story, the writer suggested they aren't simply sexy but good at curling, as well. Go figure, Olympic athletes good at their sport... The Russians, as a matter of fact, beat the Americans, 9-7.
Curling consists of 10 periods of play, like frames in bowling, with teams taking turns pushing stones down the ice. Ends, as they're called in curling, often end with one team scoring a point or two. On a rare occasion, a team will score three or more and it's not unlikely that teams will not score at all. As such, a 9-7 win in curling is not unlike a 9-7 game in baseball. Pretty good game for both sides, one team edging the other in the long run.
But according to the story, the Russians, "systematically dismantled the Americans..." Umm...what? First of all, the Americans were leading for a portion of that match and the Russians weren't playing especially well. That isn't "systematic" by any stretch. Systematic is when the game is in your control the entire time and you were never at risk of losing. Further, dismantling is losing 9-0 or 11-0 or 14-1. A 9-7 final isn't being dismantled, even in soccer or golf. We won by a field goal! Woo hoo! We kicked their ass! Except, a field goal is actually more points than the difference in a 9-7 match.
Case in point number two comes from the AP... the A friggin' P! The #Associated Press is perhaps the most respected news outlet on Earth and in some parts of Venus and Mars. The criteria for becoming an #AP writer, however, has dropped off precipitously, it would seem.
When the stunning news emerged that American snowboarder Shaun White failed to medal, the AP was right on top of the story. They reported the stunning news of his fourth-place finish and the disappointment therein. Umm, here's something they didn't mention: the name of the gold medalist. Although they mentioned White losing to "IPod" in their headline, they never once mentioned Swiss boarder Iouri Podladtchikov. The two Japanese medallists, finishing second and third, had no chance of mention, of course.
Certainly White's shortfall is the bigger news element but surely it might be interesting for one or two people to know the name of the guy who actually won instead of White. But the AP is now hiring 13-year old #One Direction fans to cover boarding at the Olympics. The AP story:
Oh my God, you guys, so like, Shaun White finished fourth...I was totally like, you don't even know, seriously. Like, when his name said fourth place next to it, I was all like, OMG, this isn't happening. Seriously. I'm like, freaking out right now.
And now, for an update, we take you to "rolling over in his grave" correspondent Edward R Murrow...